


Don't Wanna Be Me

by Theforeverbattles



Series: Exterior [9]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bad family, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Depression, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Helping Each Other, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pet Names, Relapsing, Suicidal Thoughts, Tattoos, getting better, its rough for a bit but it gets better I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:41:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25177078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theforeverbattles/pseuds/Theforeverbattles
Summary: Times are toughTHIS FIC NO LONGER INCLUDES EX SKZ MEMBERS
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: Exterior [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539622
Comments: 19
Kudos: 184





	Don't Wanna Be Me

**Author's Note:**

> y'all saw the tags you know what's up. I don't go into graphic detail but it's still there. This chapter is really personal to me so be easy on my heart please.

Minho walks into the hallway once Jeongin is back, he has his phone in hand debating if he’s going to call his mom. 

Innie said Chan is coming over to stitch Sungie’s leg, his premed coming in handy. It also avoids a trip to the hospital, which apparently Jisung is terrified of. 

Min dials his mom and waits for her to pick up, “what did you two do?” He snaps the second she picks up.

_ ‘Excuse me?’  _ Her voice is sharp. 

“You’re suing Ji’s family? That’s literally ridiculous, I am a fully grown adult, I am not a child that can be molded into your perfect shape. Whatever charges you’re trying to enact drop them now. Jisung and his family do not deserve this.” He hangs up before she can get another word out, not caring what she has to say. 

Min walks back into Jisung’s room not surprised he’s still asleep, he smoked so much, he reeked. He completely knocked himself out. Which is probably for the best right now. 

“Has he never told you, about this stuff?” Jeongin asks softly, he’s sitting with Ji’s head in his lap, running his fingers through his faded blue hair. 

“No...he told me he went to juvie for a while, and that his parents charged him with assault on his brother or some shit to teach him a lesson.” 

“Sanyo is a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to be alive.” The youngest growls, “he makes it his fucking mission to get Jisung to kill himself I swear.” 

“What?” Min stares in shock. 

“I shouldn’t be the one to tell you his story, but, Ji and I met in juvie, although it was more like a rehab facility. He was there for more than just his anger, if you get what I mean. I...I had an eating disorder, it sucked ass at that place, we both struggled a lot. It didn’t really help either of us, if anything it made Ji worse. He’s been clean from self harming for a year and a half.” 

Minho stares down at his boyfriend, unaware of all of this. It’s not his place to judge, Jisung didn’t even bat an eyes when he told him about his past. 

A selfish part of him is mad that Jisung  _ didn’t  _ tell him about this stuff. But that’s a darker part of himself that he won’t ever show to Sungie. 

A soft knock at the door makes them look up, Chan slipping inside. Without a word he kneels down them and pulls the loose bandaging away from Sungie’s thigh. 

“Oh fuck…” he whispers, eyes going wide at the sight of Jisung’s leg instantly. 

“I’m not gonna be able to stitch that, he needs to go to the hospital.” The eldest murmurs, “for his own safety, we can lie about how it happened but I can’t, it won’t be safe.” 

“They’re gonna know he did it to himself.” Jeongin mutters, brushing his hair behind his ears. 

“That might be for the best...I know you don’t want him to go back into a facility, but that’s really deep Innie. The amount of blood he’s lost too, he’s in a dangerous place right now.” 

“They can’t force him to stay, he’s an adult.” Minho adds, “no they can’t, but again it might be helpful.” 

Chan stares at them, “he needs help.” 

“This was just a one time thing.” Jeongin protests. 

“You don’t know that Innie. What if next time his leg is his wrist?”

“Do not say that.” Minho snaps, “we’ll take him to the ER, it’s his choice what to do from there.” 

The other two boys nod, “Hey Sungie,” Jeongin starts to wake him. Min scoots closer, touching his face, “Ji, wake up.” 

Jisung’s eyes start to open slowly, a soft whine coming out. “Wanna sleep.” He mumbles trying to roll over. 

Minho however scoops him up, as careful as he can, “Jiji,” he whispers, pressing their foreheads together. The younger wraps himself around his boyfriend, “I’m sorry.” He whimpers, Minho feels his neck dampen. 

“I know...Ji, we gotta go to the hospital-“

“No!” Jisung looks panicked instantly, “Hey, listen to me. Can you guys give us a minute?” 

Jeongin and Chan both get up to leave, Minho takes Sungie’s face in his hands, “I know you’re scared, I know you think if we go to the hospital they’ll try and put you back in a facility. But I’m not going to let that happen, okay?” 

“I’m not going to the hospital.” 

“Jisung your leg is too badly hurt for Chan to help, you’re  _ still  _ bleeding, and frankly each passing moment you’re at risk of an infection.” 

“Then let me, I don’t care.” Jisung tries to move away but Minho doesn’t let him. 

“Stop, stop trying to push me away, listen to me. When I told you all the shit that happened to me, you were there for me. You held me and told me it was gonna be okay, let me do it for you Ji. You’re  _ always  _ protecting and taking care of me, let me for once do it for you please.” 

The younger shakes his head, tears spilling over his lashes, he’s overwhelmed. “Everyone would be better off if I was just dead. Stop hanging onto me, I’m, I’m worthless, all I’ve done is cause you problems and get you into dru-“ 

“Nobody would be better off,  _ I  _ wouldn’t be, Jisung so many people love you. So many people care about you. You make this shitty world such a better place for all of us. I know you’re in a dark place baby. I know what your brother said is just going at a constant loop in your mind right now, but listen when I say this. You matter, you are worthy, you are precious, this world would be losing something amazing. You are such a good person Ji, you care, you love with your whole heart, you are so important, so life changing. And I know me saying this stuff probably doesn’t mean a thing to you right now, but it’s all so unbelievably true.” Min has tears running down his face as he speaks, Jisung staring at him. 

“You mean so much to me Ji, I hate to see you hurting so much.” He whispers, wiping his eyes. 

Jisung hugs him tightly, “I love you.” He murmurs, hiding his face. 

“Promise me, promise me you won’t let them take me away.” 

“I promise baby.” 

*

The hospital is a mess, Jisung is a mess, they end up having to sedate him because he won’t let the doctors touch him. When he wakes up he gets questioned, which of course just added fuel to his fire. 

Now Min has Ji in his car, the younger sulking curled up in a ball. 

“Ji.”

“Don’t.” 

“I know you’re mad at me, but you had to get stitches babe.” 

“I was literally fine.” 

“No you weren’t. I don’t care if you’re mad at me you needed medical attention that Chan couldn’t give to you.” 

Jisung mutters under his breath words Min can’t hear, “we should take a break.” 

“What?” Minho slams on the brakes nearly causing an accident, he pulls into a parking lot and glares at his boyfriend. 

“We should take a break, this, isn’t working right now.” 

“Fuck you. We are not breaking up.” 

“How are you gonna tell me no?” 

“I just did. You’re not breaking up with me because I wouldn’t let you bleed out and die! You’re mad I get that, but we’re gonna get past this babe.” Minho snaps at him. 

Jisung stays quiet, his arms crossed over his chest, “this is so fucked up Min...your parents are trying to press charges against me! For I don’t even know what!” 

“I know, I know, I’m trying to figure out what the fuck they’re doing Sung. But I refuse to let this break us.” Min looks over at his boyfriend with tears in his eyes, “I’m sorry, I know you’re struggling, but I don’t wanna break up, I love you Ji. I wanna help you through this.” 

The younger sniffles, “I love you too...I just, I’m just so, lost right now. I don’t even know how I’m gonna be able to face my parents.” Minho very gently lays his hand on Jisung’s shoulder, “we’ll do it together. And I won’t rest until my parents call this shit off. You’ve done nothing wrong, ever, I won’t let them do this.” 

Jisung smiles sadly, “I’m sorry Min, I’m sorry for all of this...I know you signed up for a edgy goth bf and now you’re getting a bitch boi.” 

“Hey, I love you, you’re perfect to me, you’re stuck with me honey pot.” Min unhooks Jisung’s seat belt and gently tugs him over into his lap. 

“Why don’t we do this, take the next week off and I’ll rent us a hotel room. We can get away for a little while, just the two of us.” 

Jisung’s eyes light up, “that sounds amazing.” He hugs him tightly, guilt taking over his whole being. 

*

_ Three days later  _

Minho holds Sungie’s hand as they walk down the hallway to where their suite for the next week is. It’s a massive corner room, Jisung’s breath getting knocked out of his chest at the sight of it. 

“Woah.” He whispers. 

The elder presses a hand to his back, “go look at everything my sweet prince.” 

Jisung walks in and drops his bag, “this is like an apartment.” 

“Yeah...I kind of used my credit card for this.” 

“Kind of?” 

“Well It’s my Mom’s…” Minho scratches the back of his head nervously. “Babe!” Jisung shrieks in his direction. 

“She deserves it. She literally tried to ruin our relationship and your life honey pot, she’s got a big storm coming now.” 

“I still don’t understand how you got them to drop the charges.” 

Min smiles and wraps his arm around his boyfriend, “I have my ways.” Jisung turns slightly and takes his face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs to his cheeks. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you.” 

Ji hugs him tightly, “thank you, for staying with me through all this. I know, I’m not the easiest.” 

“You’re not, but I love you all the same. Nobody said relationships are easy pup, I’m not a walk in the park either.” Minho picks him up and spins him making him giggle and wrap around him. 

Once setting him down again they kiss softly, “it’s so lame we can’t take a bath.” 

“I don’t know if you saw the massive shower in there too?” 

“No…”

“Well, I think we’ll be able to share that just fine.” Min giggles and kisses him again. 

Jisung hums and pulls away, “I know we just got here, but wanna go on a walk?” He blushes slightly. 

“Let’s unpack first then you can smoke your brains out.” 

The younger squeals and starts unpacking quickly, Minho shakes his head and starts to as well. “Do you wanna get dinner too?” 

“Yes please!” 

“Put something cute on.” 

“I don’t look cute now!?” Ji whines. 

“You do, but I wanna see your ass in leather and mesh on top.” Min smirks. 

Sungie blushes but wiggles his ass in temptation. He then grabs an outfit as well as his makeup case, Minho changes himself too. Waiting for his boyfriend to come out. 

He’s not disappointed. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot.” He bites his lower lip, looking Jisung up and down. He has black leather pants with two silver chains along his hip, a blue shiny crop top on his upper half. Showing off his fantastic body. 

“Me? You want me to not grab your ass right now?” Sungie practically drools, his eyes on Minho’s pale yellow skirt. The soft material tight against his thighs. 

“You can.” Min twirls and Jisung grabs his hand, pulling him close. “You’re so pretty,  _ so  _ pretty.” He mumbles, fingers tracing along his exposed collarbone. His white oversized sweater hanging off his body but tucked at his waist. 

“The first time I saw you I practically drooled.” Jisung admints making Minho blush deeply. “Actually I think I did drool...I wanted you so badly.” 

The elder hides his face, “shut up Jiji.” He mumbles trying to squirm away. 

Jisung grabs his waist even tighter, “when we first met I was only interested in fucking...you’re like my ideal type babe. But you went and made me dumb pup…” he blushes now. 

Min smirks slightly, “I didn’t make you anything babydoll, you've always been a pup you just didn’t have someone to put your cocky ass in its place.” 

Sungie hums and leans in to kiss his boyfriend, licking into his mouth eagerly. Minho hums and grabs a handful of his faded hair, having a soft grip at first. 

“Let’s get going.” He murmurs while biting his lower lip. 

Jisung nods with shining eyes, “okay.” 

They head down to the lobby and out to the street, Jisung with a small backpack on. “Food truck?” Min asks, hands locked together. 

“Yes please.” 

They find a truck and get ramen, and then head to a park, wanting a secluded area.

“Wow you even brought a blanket, what a gentleman.” 

Sungie snorts, “oh yeah that’s me.” 

They sit down and share food with each other, soft words exchanging between the two. Minho stares at his boyfriend with all the love in the world, the last few day’s going through his brain. 

When they got back to campus he called his mom again and they got into an even bigger argument. He pretty much gave them the ultimate ultimatum, they either cut the shit or he won’t take the family business. 

That was a big enough threat because within hours the lawsuit was dropped and the charges gone. Jisung’s mom called him and he panicked, causing a whole other breakdown. 

Minho answered when she called, not knowing if it was his brother or not. When Sungie didn’t pick up and Min did, his mother sobbed into the phone, terrified that her son had hurt himself. But still not scared enough to do a wellness check or come to check on him herself. 

It enraged Minho. 

“What’re you staring at?” Ji looks up, slurping noodles at the same time. 

“You. You’re beautiful.” 

“You are.” He leans over and kisses his cheek. 

“How are you actually?” 

“Hmm?” 

“You’re pretending in front of Jeongin, and Chan. And your pretty smile is fake Ji.” Minho says softly. 

Jisung looks down again, eyes seeming far away, the mask he’s had on the last couple days crumbling. Min watches as his boyfriend stiffen up slightly. 

“I...am trying. I uh, I’m gonna be honest, it’s hard all the progress I’ve had the past few years crumbled away. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts or self harm thoughts in a really long time. But now they’re echoing in my brain constantly again, I…” he trails off, no tears coming, he just sounds numb. “I’m trying to stay clean.” 

“Clean?” Minho whispers, not entirely sure what his boyfriend means. “You just asked to smoke.” 

“No, not smoking...with hurting myself, Min. I...please don’t yell at me.” 

“Baby boy, I’m not gonna yell at you.” 

“When we got home from the hospital I self harmed again...and then again the next day...I haven’t in two days, but it is like an itch I need to scratch. I want to, so badly, I feel like I need to punish myself, for everything. It’s awful Min, it’s in my mind every second.” Jisung pulls at his pants, the chains wrapped around his fingers. 

Minho swallows, “I’m, not gonna pretend to understand it. But I’m here for you, I’m not going anywhere. I want to do anything I can to help.” 

Jisung nods, “I love you, I appreciate you so much. We are kinda mirrors I suppose. We both have trauma but such different forms, but we understand each other. Someone who has gone through the things you have, you’re so strong Min. You’re so self aware, I know self harm doesn’t make sense to you because of how your mind works, you’re so push forward keep things in. We both have had dark times.” 

Minho is quiet and reaches for his boyfriend’s hand, “when everything happened to me...I wanted to end it. I used to sit up all hours of the night and think about it, the thought of death terrified me but also intrigues me so much. There wasn’t a moment that went by where I didn’t think about it, it was to the point I couldn’t even look at the sky because the aspect of heaven scared me so much. But self harm, was never an option to me. I was so anxious all the time that the thought of hurting someone else by hurting myself consumed me. I was so scared of getting caught. I hid how depressed I was, during the day I was What my parents and friends assumed as normal. But at night it changed, it was like the second the sun went down I went spiralling.” 

Jisung rubs his knuckles listening intently. “Self harm doesn’t make a person weak, or any less than anyone else. I used to be infuriated by it, I could never wrap my head around  _ why  _ people did it, hurting yourself hurts others. I used to think it was so selfish. But I was wrong so wrong I didn’t realize it until I was older. I didn’t realize it’s not a conscious decision, it’s a pull in you in the same way death calls to me. Is something that takes over your being because even if you don’t want to hurt others or yourself really you  _ have  _ to do it.” Minho continues. 

“I hope that made sense, I hope I didn’t sound like an ass.” 

“No, I get it. I know how you feel and what you mean. Like I said Min, you’re so, high functioning, you’re so intensely aware of the world around you. You are so strong willed, I know your anxiety of the world constantly thrums through your veins. But anyone on the outside looking in would never know, you said you hid your depression, I know you still hide things. And that’s okay. We’re a mirror, we’re the different ways depression and mental illness manifest. When people hear the world depression they instantly think of someone sad, someone who hides in their room all day. And yeah, in some cases that is it, but nobody looks at you or me and thinks yup, they got it.” Jisung takes his hand and kisses his knuckles. The two leaning into each other slowly. 

“I love you, so much Ji. I’m so glad I met you.” Min murmurs, lifting his face to lock their lips. Jisung hums into it, hand going to bunch in his boyfriend’s sweater. 

“Who would have thought we’d fall in love.” Sungie whispers, their foreheads pressed. Minho smiles and teasingly kisses him again. 

“Who would have thought…” 

Their tongues pressed together messily, Jisung scooting closer, his eyes fluttering shut. Minho hums and wraps his arm around him firmly, tugging him into his lap. 

Sungie groans and shifts hands tangling in his hair, “to answer your question, about how I am, I’m okay. I’m not one hundred percent but I don’t need to be. I have you and amazing friends to help me through this, I know I’m going to be okay.” 

Minho smiles and nods, pulling him against his body, slipping a hand into his hair while the other grips his hip. Jisung squeaks and wraps his arms around his neck, shifting to straddle his boyfriend. 

They fall into each other, Jisung getting Minho to his back, their lips moving hungrily against each other. He slips between his thighs pressing his skirt open. 

Min groans softly, letting Ji control their kisses and other movements. He tugs gently at his faded blue hair and rocks his hips up slowly. 

Jisung gets on his knees and grinds forward, hands gripping his boyfriend’s thighs and ass. 

“We’re in a park don’t forget.” Minho whispers, Jisung giggles, “so you’ll fuck in a car in a park but not on a blanket?” 

“Yes, don’t judge me.” 

Jisung pulls away with a soft smile, “I’m not. Pass me my bag.” They separate and Minho watches his boyfriend roll a blunt with expert fingers. 

Soon after they’re both a giggly mess, biting at each other teasingly, Minho completely unable to keep his hands to himself. 

“Let’s go back babe.” He murmurs, eyes lidded, lower lip between his teeth. 

“Hmm good idea.” Sungie stands on unsteady legs, helping Minho up too, they clash together lips pressing together messily. 

“I love you, so much.” 

“I love you! So much.” Jisung clings to his boyfriend, his hands going down to grab his ass. 

“Hey!” The elder giggles pressing into him. They lock lock lips, tongues hitting again, Min sucks on the ball embedded in the muscle. Ji moans, nearly melting against Minho. 

“Come on let’s put everything away and throw out the trash.” Min pulls away leaving Jisung’s lips chasing after him. He for the most part cleans up since Sungie seems to be too high to do anything other than giggle and eagerly lick at his boyfriend. 

“Come on you high baby.” 

Jisung laughs and follows after him, taking his hand, clinging to him tightly. “hyung...you’re so pretty. Why are you so pretty?” 

Min snorts, “why are you so pretty?” 

The walk back seems like an eternity but they get there, inside the suite Jisung almost instantly pounces on Minho. They fall back into the massive bed, Ji eagerly kissing along the elder’s neck. 

“Hey...can we just kiss and cuddle tonight?” Minho asks shyly. Jisung pulls away with wide eyes, “yes!” He throws his shirt off and unbuckles his pants. 

“Getting naked is the opposite of what I said I think.” 

“No! I’m putting my jammies on!” Jisung wiggles out of his leather pants and Minho stares. Realizing this is the first time he’s seen Sungie’s thigh since everything. 

His eyes scan the area, a bandage wrapped around the part where his stitches are. But further down towards his knee are more thick red lines not nearly as deep but still going to scar. 

Jisung catches him staring and blushes deeply, pulling his short briefs down to hide the makes. 

“I-I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” Min grabs his hand and pulls him close, pressing their foreheads together again. “You’re beautiful, scars and all.” 

Sungie sniffles and gets up going to get pj pants

From his bag, he tugs on one of Min’s sweaters too and then jumps back into bed. “You’re such a good boyfriend.” 

Minho smiles against him and touches his face, their eyes locked. “Not to be really gay, but you’re  _ so  _ stuck with me honey pot.” 

“Good, I don’t want anyone else.” 

The elder gets up and puts on pjs too, they wipe off their makeup and curl up in bed. Deciding to rent movies and cuddle for the evening. Ji falls asleep almost instantly. Minho tucking him securely against his chest. 

*

_ Two days later  _

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes. I just, I just need you with me.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Sungie nods and takes in a breath, gripping Minho’s hand tightly. They walk up the driveway to Jisung’s parents front door, a sweat broken out all over Ji. 

“Is your brother here?” Min asks quietly, seeing all the cars. They even had to park in the street. 

“I think so.” 

Minho has never been one for confrontation, he doesn’t like yelling and he certainly doesn’t like when things get physical. All the problems with the guys on campus should show just how much he  _ likes  _ getting into fights. 

But the thought of seeing Jisung’s brother, of being face to face with the fucker. He’s ready to swing. He’s ready to lose his absolute shit if one mean thing is directed at his boyfriend. 

Sungie doesn’t knock; he just opens the door and walks in. There isn’t anyone in the immediate area which seems to put him at ease momentarily. 

“Fuck me.” He mutters while taking his shoes off. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“My aunts are here. That’s why there’s so many cars. Fuck Min, they’re gonna try some intervention shit.” 

“Do they know I’m here with you?” 

Jisung shakes his head no, shaking slightly. 

“We don’t have to stay. If something they say puts you off in the slightest bit we can leave.” Minho kisses his forehead. 

The younger sighs and shoves his free hand into his pocket, leading Min through the house. 

They walk into what seems to be the living room and you could hear a pin drop. All the adults staring at them like they’re the circus. 

“Don’t all talk at once.” Ji mutters, his tough outer shell seeming to go back up. Before Min would believe it. But now he sees right through it. 

“Ji, you’re here, we didn’t hear you come in.” A woman who Minho assumes to be his mother comes over to them. Unaware of Min at the moment. 

“Yeah I got that.” Jisung looks to the floor and then tugs Min into the room, making them see him now. “So why is the entire family gathered here today? I thought I was talking to mum and dad.” 

“It’s better if we all talk don’t you think? There are some things that your mother and father can’t say so we’re here-“ 

“Like what? I didn’t come for an intervention. I’m fine.” Jisung’s voice is like ice. 

“Can you not have an attitude for two seconds? I told you all this was a waste.” Sanyo shakes his head and Minho practically sets on fire. The rage lighting throughout his body. 

“I don’t really think you have any say in  _ anything  _ right now.” Minho speaks, eyes shooting daggers into the eldest Han. 

“And who are you?” 

“Lee Minho, I’m Jisung’s boyfriend.” 

The family exchange a look, “you  _ brought  _ him here? After everything that family put us through?” One of his aunts snap. 

Jisung leans against the wall, rolling his eyes, “I’m talking to my parents only. Whatever they have to say to me they can otherwise keep your mouths shut.” 

Sanyo stands up, making his way over to them, “shut your fucking mouth, apologize now.” 

“That contradicts what you just told me.” Ji looks at him with the most bored expression he can muster. 

“Sanyo sit down.” Jisung’s father says sternly. 

“Ji, come sit, we all just want to talk, Minho you’re perfectly welcomed as well.” His mother now speaks. 

Jisung walks through the several people, keeping Min close to him, “say whatever it is you want to say. I’m not listening to anything else.” 

“We want to understand, what you’ve been doing at school Ji. Minho’s parents, they gave us access to your record, you’re on probation with them. You have been caught with drugs, you’ve gotten into fights, you have noise complaints and arguments with authority. I thought you moved past all this behavior.” His mother has a soft voice, seemingly afraid of her son’s reaction. 

“So did they try to press charges or was that you guys again? Cause that just sounds like they’re snitches.” 

“They were suing for emotional distress to their family, and trying to charge you with a misdemeanor.” 

“Bullshit.” Ji mutters. Minho shakes his head, “my parents did that because they don’t want me dating Jisung. They’re mad that I’m not involved with one of their choices. What they did was wrong and completely falsified.” 

“You’re parents are right for not wanting him around.” Sanyo snaps. 

Minho sees red, “fuck off man. You’re literally sitting there on your high horse like your shit don’t stink. You’re Ji’s brother but you don’t know Jack about him so keep him out of your mouth.” 

Everyone in the room stares in shock, even Jisung. 

Min blushes wanting to curl into a ball now, “get the fuck out of my parents house now.” Sanyo goes towards Minho but Jisung is up in a second. 

Getting between the pair, seeing Ji there Sanyo deflates,  _ scared  _ of Jisung. 

“Okay, boys settle down.” Their mother intervenes, making them both sit. 

“Jisung this behavior is unacceptable. Your mother and father are too scared to say it to you but we will, that’s why we’re here. That’s why Sanyo is here.” His aunt speaks again. 

“Oh so you’re here to tell me to kill my self again right? To tell me how much better the world will be without me around? Cause that’s the only shit he ever says to me and that’s what you people imply.” Sungie growls. 

“We would never say that to you!” 

“No? When I was twelve you told my parents to have me go away for a little bit. When I was fourteen you were the ones that convinced them to put me in that god awful facility. When I was sixteen you told my mom having me not around would be better for our family. I have fucking problems because my whole like this piece of shit that’s supposed to be my brother bullied me to the point of no return. And when I stood up for myself his bitch ass got scared because he hurt me with words but I wouldn’t hesitate to knock him out. I have anger issues because as a kid I was told to shut up and not cry, I was told nobody would miss me if I was gone  _ every  _ night before I went to bed by him. I acted out because I wanted my  _ parents  _ to see me and not him. I wanted them to see how mean he was to me, to understand that he tormented me every second of my life. But I got punished for standing up for myself. I got locked up in a facility that mistreated the patients and did nothing but make me worse. Don’t tell me my behavior is unacceptable when every second of my life I’ve struggled to keep living and in return all you’ve ever done is tell me I’m doing bad.” Jisung has tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“You wanna talk about bad behavior? How about him throwing my dinner away as kids, how about him locking me out of the bathroom so I couldn’t shower, for  _ days _ ? How about him leaving razors and knives all over my room with happy little sticky notes telling me to use them? How about him  _ faking  _ all the shit I did to him. The only time you noticed me is when I hit him the only time  _ any  _ of you acknowledged me was when he was crying. I took sleeping pills and was gone for two days and none of you fucking noticed but I knock his tooth out and every knows.” Ji sobs into his hands, body trembling. 

“I did drugs and I smoke weed because for those moments when I’m high I don’t give a fuck about what’s going on around me. Hurl your insults, tell me to kill my self. Maybe one of these times it’ll fucking work and then you’ll be fucking sorry.” He curls into a ball, hyperventilating. 

Minho shifts and crouches down slowly, knowing he can’t touch Jisung right now. 

“Ji.” His mother begins but Min glares in her direction. 

“Th-that's not true!” Sanyo yells panic on his features. 

His voice triggers Jisung, the younger is up and trying to go for his brother. Minho grabs him around the waist, tugging him from the room. 

“Hey, hey, it’s me. You’re okay, breathe.” He pins Jisung’s arms to the wall, keeping him in place. Sungie swallows and hiccups, nose running and eyes leaking. 

“I’m gonna let go of your wrists, I want you to hug me okay?” 

Slowly Min does as he said and Jisung wraps around him completely. Clinging to his boyfriend with every ounce of energy and strength he has. 

“I got you, I’m not going anywhere.” 

*

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> And like that all the dirty laundry was out. Sorry this chapter was really heavy but you know I strive to write about things that are actually important, I want my writing to help people and for others to relate. So yeah...also sorry I've been MIA I just haven't been feeling my best and tbh people don't seem all that interested in me anymore. But enough of my sob story, I hope you guys liked this even though a lot of it was sad. Like I said before this chapter was really personal because Minho's outlook on things is how I see things and feel I guess. Idk if that makes sense, but yeah let me stop rambling. 
> 
> thoughts? 
> 
> Questions? 
> 
> The next chapter is probably gonna be the last btw
> 
> my twitter is foreverbattles 
> 
> love always,
> 
> -Eza<3


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